literature

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words - Rewrite

Deviation Actions

MinnaSD's avatar
By
Published:
122 Views

Literature Text

The show started at ten thirty and, even though it was only nine in the evening, the square in front of the stadium was full. Young people walked around holding tickets in hand, knowing that the doors wouldn’t open for some time. There was energy in the air, flickering with every words of excitement as experiences were shared and young people laughed and boasted about the concerts they had already been at. Someone had even brought a guitar and a group sang off tune to one of the songs they would listen later performed by the band.

“I think they’re lost…”

A girl sipped her coffee from the paper cup, looking at the old couple that walked in their direction. At a slow but steady pace, with their arms locked together, they opened way through the excited youngsters, drawing strange looks. The woman was small, with black and short curly hair and a thin and wrinkled face. As for the man, he had almost no hair at all but the ones he had were a beautiful mix of grey and white, very salt and pepper. His face hadn’t aged handsomely: he presented a lot of freckles and his cheeks appeared of a bulldog’s. If looks defined every single aspect of our lives, they wouldn’t have a single thing in common with the young people who waited for the show.

A young man with a staff shirt and a pass around his neck saw them and raised a brow. Saying something to another staff member, he stepped down some stairs and walked to them with his most friendly and condescending smile.

“May I help you?”

“Good evening, young man.” The lady’s dark eyes locked with the staff member’s. “Are we at the right place?”

“May I see your tickets?”

They surely couldn’t be. There must be some sort of old folk’s show down the street or something and hese two old people must have gotten out at the wrong bus stop and were very confused! He took the tickets the lady handed to him and his smile died as his eyes widened a little. No, they weren’t at the wrong place.

“Hmmm…” he handed the tickets back and looked around. “You see that woman over there? With the orange vest? You need to go see her.”

They both looked at him attentively and then the lady pointed at the woman with the orange vest. “That one?”

The young man barely had the time to nod as they made their way to meet the said woman, walking away with the same calm and disregard for the opinion of others. Shaking his head the staff member joined the remaining staff by the door, the same look of disbelief still on his face.

“Were they lost?”

“No… They didn’t have tickets.”

“Of course they…”

“They had invitations.”

“No way.”

“But they’re so old.”

“Why didn’t they just sell them?”

“Yeah… This isn’t an old people’s concert.”

“They could frame them.”

“What? Selling would be better. They could spend some time somewhere sunny and allow someone to actually enjoy the concert.”

The staff conversation was interrupted by a communication they had to start opening the doors. At that moment, the old couple was forgotten completely.
One of this week's #Live-Love-Write's Synergy assignment for the week was to rewrite a piece that our partner critiqued. I picked this one: [link] because I had liked the idea, but was not very sure about the outcome. Following :devknittebunny:'s critique, I've tweaked and bettered the parts she pointed out that needed my attention.
I hope this is better now!
© 2013 - 2024 MinnaSD
Comments0
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In